That one girl that's excited.

That one girl that's excited. 

I'm so stoaked about tomorrow!!!!!!!! Seniors have to do this jobshadowing thing tomorrow, and I am job shadowing a guy that works in cold cases. He called me earlier today, and told me I might wanna wear casual clothes. Why? Because we are going to go through some woods to find dead bodies!!!!! I am so freaking excited. I hope we find them. Afterwards, Spyro is coming over! As of this past Saturday we are officially together. I got rid of my douchebag boyfiend. I unleashed my rant to him and told him all of that was on my mind. It's best this way. I couldn't possibly ask for any one better. He is the most caring and loving guy. Not only that, he's my bestfriend. I love him. Well, I'll update and let you know if I find some dead people tomorrow! Wish me luck!

That One Girl having an odd day.

That One Girl having an odd day. 

Spyro: I'd prefer you not read this. 

I'm sure you the readers may already be able to tell that I'm having an odd day considering the note above. My best friend knows about my blog, but for the time being we are not speaking.  Why? Well, not entirely sure. Um... we are in love, and I'm dating his best friend. My boyfriend Derick asked if I was cheating on him last night when I spent an hour with him for the 1st time in weeks. He got hurt really bad at his work, so I wanted to make him feel a little better, bring him something to eat (but he wasn't feeling good), and just cuddle. Pretend like everything is okay. 

Needless to say, yesterday sucked. Today is sucking even more. Just got back from lunch. How did I spend it? Alone, crying under a tree, and eating. Stupid me picked up my phone to call Spyro, but we didn't talk. Fought with, uhh a friend. He wanted to be there for me, see what was wrong, and I was a bitch to him. Just acted like I wanted him to get away before he could even talk to me, and now he's mad, with reason to be. I didn't mean to. It just happened and then I felt like death.

I just feel like the worst person in the world right now. Like everything is falling apart. I just keep hurting people.

I really miss Spyro. Everything has just felt off lately. We have good days, but it keeps going bad. I know this is my fault. My mess. I just.... need more time. Or a time machine. Or a coffin. 

That one girl that realized its time to grow up.

That one girl that realized its time to grow up. 

This past weekend I had an abundance of amazing thoughts and ideas. Most of  which, I have forgotten. I did, how ever, remember that something deep within me clicked. It's time to grow up. Now, I have always been a little bit more mature than kids my own age, most of my friends throughout my life have even been older than I. I have always learned on my own. Did things for myself that I was able to do.

It's time for me to put the games to rest, take more responsibility, and become a better me.  First off, I am absolutely done with love triangles. I am ready to settle down, and just focus on one relationship. Am I saying I want to get married tomorrow or anything? No, but I just want stability. Something I know that will last a long time, if not forever. No secrets, or lies, or trust issues, or tears. 

Secondly, I need a job. I just got my 1st car, a month left of high school, college starting soon. To make it better, my aunt is moving out and it'll just be me and my grandmother. She barely makes enough to take care of herself. I want to be able to help her, she has pretty much raised me after all. I want to feel  more independent, and not have to ask for everything I need and then feel bad for needing anything. 

My life feels like its truly only staring to begin, and I am really excited as to where it goes, and where I will end up. As for now, I'm just trying to make it, and push myself.

That one girl that can't build a real friendship.

That one girl that can't build a real friendship. 

My entire life I have been a loner. Its hard for me to build friendships. Mostly with females. My bestfriends are always guys, and that's not a bad thing. It's just, guys don't always understand the female brain. Thankfully, I fit in better with guys, but I still want at least one friendship with a girl that lasts. Anytime I trust a girl they either: A.) Show me I can not trust them. B.) Find someone better and just forget me. C.) We just drift apart. Part of my problem is that I am bisexual, I have known this for as long as I have liked boys. I have trouble talking to girls. I'm awkward enough as it is. They just always never seem to click with me, and the couple I found that do just end up out of my life somehow. I just want one girl I can laugh with, do girly stuff with, gossip with, just someone I can be close with. I feel like I'll never have this. I want to become a more open person, more talkative, and less shy. A lot of times I just find myself without words. I'm so tired of hearing about how quite I am. 

That One Girl That Is Pissed Off At The World

That One Girl That Is Pissed Off At The World

I am, in fact, that one girl that is pissed off at the world. Not understanding people's reasons for being angry, pissed, changing there minds for not good reason. Ugh. Everything just feels to be falling apart. Everyone acts like its criminal to do anything for anyone else. No reason for actions, just doing something to piss someone off. This world is full of dumb fucking idiots, I swear dude. What pisses you off about this world? For me it's basically people in general. Yes, is my indirect way of ranting about happenings at home, but I would rather say it like this than bash people and say things that are probably just out of anger. 

I need something to take my anger and stress out on. I suppose writing helps a little bit. 

That one girl that is about to go mad.

That one girl that is about to go mad. 

Yup, it's true. I'm like two steps from completely going mad. Stress! Stress! Stress! My family is just one big corrupt mess, my "boyfriend" (because he doesn't feel like one anymore) is a worthless piece-of-shit that is probably cheating on me, I need a drink. Okay, I that really doesn't help me, but marijuana sounds like something I shouldn't be putting here. Whoops.(makes innocent face). I don't really know where I am going with this. I told you I am going completely fucking mad. Had nightmares last night, but sadly it is exactly my reality. Was basically just Derick not talking to me. Lovely dream. Ugh. I don't want this life anymore. Someone trade me. 

I do get to see Spyro today. He loves me at least. Can't wait for some Mongolian dinner, redbox, anime, sims 3. Yeah, so cool. You jelly, bro?! =p

That One Girl Who Really Can't Stand Her Aunt.

That One Girl Who Really Can't Stand Her Aunt. 

Yeah, I really can not stand my aunt (mmmm what should I name this aunt...) Mortilla. Well, this morning Mortilla had to take me to school. She told me to be ready by 7. I walk out the door 4 after 7 and well that is where all hell broke loose. I did not realize she had walked out of the door. She got in a bad mood because its all of a sudden my fault if she is late for work. So, I say "You could just tap on my door or something so I know you're leaving". Apparently she shouldn't have to. I should be out that door and in the car at EXACTLY 7  o'clock. Okay, that is fine and cool, but is it really that difficult to tap on my door in stead of being late for work? I really deserve getting bitched and that super negative attitude of yours because your too fucking stupid to knock on my door. I was ready a few minutes before 7 anyways I just don't watch the clock every second that passes. So I get threatened to have to walk to school. And taken to school before my cousin for the 1st time ever. Because your mad for the dumbest shit. Guess what?! You could simply fix the problem. A little "Hey, we're leaving" does just find. But you care more about being a fucking bitch and screwing up everyone's morning instead of getting everyone where they need to go on time and not be late for work. Yeah, okay. Genus. 

Your a dumb stupid fucking idiot that gets mad at every little fucking thing! I can't stand you anymore. I hate how you don't give two fucks about me any more. Its all about your spoiled ass son that disrespects everyone he comes in contact with. You are cold and heartless. You act like the world is going to end if you have to do the smallest thing for anyone other than your precious son. Fuck you.