I'm the one girl that can't decide.

I'm the one girl that can't decide. 

I keep crying over Derick. I need to leave. If not to be with the one that holds my heart, then for my own mental health. I do love him. There is so much history and unspoken perfection there, but honestly I can't find the perfection we once had. He's completely shut me out. I can't deal with that in a healthy manor.

 My best friend is in love with me and hurting. I need him. Probably more than I need Derick. The more I talk to Spyro the more I hurt. The more confused I become. I can't keep holding on to both.

 I want Derick in my life. I wanted at one point to spend forever with him, but forever is looking like such a long miserable time. The only time I feel pure happiness is when I'm with Spyro. I need this chaos to end. The answers are so clear, yet so undefined. It's getting to where I don't even know what Spyro wants. He probably wants the chaos to end as much as I. I'm afraid of forever ruining the once perfection of a relationship I had with him.

 I can't keep fighting for two guys. I know I'm wrong. I know. How could any one want such a fucked up in the head girl? I know I'm sweet, but I'm also crazy. And it's not all good crazy. I keep asking answers from Spyro, but so much of his feelings is being blocked by his own morals and what he feels is right.


UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!